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I'm a 30-something wife and mom. My boys are my pride and joy. Together, we are navigating being a forever family post international adoption.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Are we going to adopt again?

We had been home about four months the first time some asked us when we were going to adopt again. I was taken aback, it was a question I definitely wasn't expecting. We were just starting to get settled. Buddy was still asking for permission to eat an apple. He was having nightmares more nights than not. He was trying to hide the fact that he pooped. We were focusing on Buddy and getting everything at home to gel. The thought of adding another child into the mix was the furthest thing from out minds.

Of course we had discussed the possibility of adding more children to our family eventually. I come from a pretty big family with bio and step siblings and lots of cousins. I judged parents who chose to have only one child because it seemed weird to me. I always assumed I would have at least two kids.

Several months later, I brought the idea of more kids up to Hubby. It was our anniversary, and seemed like a good time to talk about expanding the family, right? He asked me why I wanted more kids. It wasn't an accusatory question, he was being curious. I didn't have an answer for him.

Why did I want more kids? Because I had an idea of my ideal family in my head at that family had multiple children?  I love my boys so much, they are more than enough for me. While another child would bring more love and joy into our family, it would also mean sacrifice, especially for Buddy.

Buddy needs so much right now, especially attention from Hubby and I. We dedicate a big portion of our life to giving Buddy the emotional and physical things he has missed out on for so long. I can't imagine dividing up the time we focus on Buddy because it is essential for our family.

So, the next time someone asks us when we are adopting again, I can tell them that it isn't our plan. We will be the parents who choose to have only one child. And if it seems weird to them, that isn't my problem.

And I am not the only Mom who thinks so: http://blogs.brighthorizons.com/familyroom/only-child-family/

6 comments:

  1. It is so peaceful when you come to a place where you can answer in that way-
    knowing you are doing what is right for you and YOUR family.

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    1. That is the most important thing for me. Thanks!

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  2. I think for so many children who are adopted, being an only child is actually really beneficial. Especially for those with rougher starts. I would think it's actually really helpful to be able to bond completely and 100% with your parents. Sounds like you guys have put a lot of thought into what is right for your family and for Buddy.

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    1. He has always been an only child. It is one of the few consistencies from his past we can give him!

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  3. Can't disagree with you on this. You have to know what is best for your family; makes sense to me!

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    1. I've learned that in general the most important thing is doing what is right for my family and not worrying about what other people think about the decisions we make. Thanks!

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