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I'm a 30-something wife and mom. My boys are my pride and joy. Together, we are navigating being a forever family post international adoption.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Who's Your Mama?

This morning I was in the kitchen making myself a much needed cup of coffee, when I heard from the dinning room "Mom... Mom.... Mom, Mom, Mom... Mooooom, can you come heeeeere?""

When we met Buddy, we were lucky enough to meet some of his birth family, including his first Mom. I remember listening to him trying to get her attention "Mom... Mom.... Mom, Mom, Mom..." I wanted so badly to hear him say those words to me.

From the beginning, we offered Buddy the choice of calling us whatever he felt comfortable with. He preferred not to address us by any name at all. He would wave his arms, raise his hand or, if he was in another room, knock on the wall to get our attention.

After a couple of months, I got a card from Buddy addressed to "Super Mom". I cried. But he was still waving and knocking to get our attention. A bit later, I heard Buddy ask Hubby "where is Mom?" and I teared up that time, too. But the waving and knocking continued.

One night before bedtime, I laid down with Buddy in his bed. I figured if this was the time he liked to speak his heart than it was a good time for me to speak mine. I told him that he could call me whatever he wanted, but if he wanted to call me Mom I would really like it. He replied very honestly, that he wanted to but it felt weird. That was a totally reasonable thing for him to feel and I am so glad he was able to tell me.

We talked about how if he called me Mom, it wouldn't mean his first Mom didn't exist. He has two Mom's, one who gave birth to him and one who adopted him, and we both love him very much. And he is a wonderful boy who has room for both Moms in his heart. I told him if he wanted to give it a try he could and if it still felt weird he could stop. That whatever he decided was OK with me.

And he did try. When I checked in with him he said it didn't feel so weird after all, it felt good. Now, even before my morning coffee, I remember the longing I had to be called "Mom... Mom... Mom, Mom, Mom!" and I am thankful.

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