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I'm a 30-something wife and mom. My boys are my pride and joy. Together, we are navigating being a forever family post international adoption.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Extended Family Drama

I wrote a long time ago about a difficult patch we had been going through with Hubby's family. I haven't written about it since, but things haven't resolved.

At the beginning of the New Year in 2015, Hubby sat down with his parents. They had been feeling resentment towards us for awhile but had been trying to repress it, unsuccessfully it turned out. They told Hubby they felt like we don't consider their feelings, especially when it came to time spent with Buddy in comparison with my Mother.

My Mom and I are very close. She raised my brother and I alone until she met and married my step-father (who I call my Dad) when I was in the 1st grade. She is the one person who has been a constant in my life and I don't know where I would be without her. I, and by extension my family, spend a lot of time with my Mom. Less, now that we are parents, but still more than a lot of other grown children spend with their's.

My husband doesn't have the same relationship with his parents. He loves them, but they are not close in the same way my Mom and I are. Apparently, this is an issue for my in-laws, especially Hubby's mother. They have been keeping score - especially since we adopted Buddy in 2013.

In all honesty, I'm not surprised. Hubby's mother has a tendency to play the victim, hold grudges and throw past perceived slights against her into every argument. She doesn't seem see her role in the stand-off she and I are currently in.

It is ironic that this whole thing started over her feeling isolated from our family, and has resulted in us becoming much more distant than we have ever been. I no longer attend family events with Hubby's side. Sometimes Buddy and Hubby don't, either. They haven't been to our new house. We don't extend invitations to school events or spend weekends with them at their lake in the summer.

I feel terrible for Hubby. He has said numerous times that I am his wife, and he will always defend me and stand by my side. But I know he cares about his parents and loves his mother very much. He is in the middle of this whole ridiculous argument.

I know I should be the bigger person and make the first steps towards reconciliation. But I have done that before and we are still in the place we are today. So maybe I am being stubborn and selfish - but I just don't want to be the bigger person this time.


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