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I'm a 30-something wife and mom. My boys are my pride and joy. Together, we are navigating being a forever family post international adoption.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

How Can I Make You Understand?

I wish I could say we went into our international adoption fully prepared for every possible issue that could arise. But, in truth, we were very naive. When we adopted Buddy, we were told he was perfectly healthy but of course this isn't true. We have been so lucky not to have to deal with any clinical medical problems, but everything he has experienced has affected him deeply.

We are working slowly to help him learn what it means to be a part of a family where the kid gets to be a kid and Mom and Dad take care of the big things. He has grown so much in the last year, but he is still struggles.

My Sweet Boy, how can I make you understand:

- You have a beautiful name that can be hard to pronounce, be proud of it not embarrassed
- Save your nice words for when you mean them, not to try to control situations
- It's ok to have "bad" feelings, it doesn't mean your a "bad" person
- You can do more than you give yourself credit for, don't shut down when you feel overwhelmed
- Don't scratch and pick at your body, making new hurt doesn't take away your old hurt
- Rules are to help you and keep you safe, even if that is hard for you to understand
- Even though we aren't connected by blood, we are a real family
- Your birth family is also your real family, we don't want to take their place in your heart
- No matter what you do we will always love you, you aren't going anywhere

I wish there was a way to snap my fingers and make the dots connect for him, but it is going to take a combination of love, consistency and time. And a bunch of other stuff, too, I'm not naive any more. It is so hard for me to see him hurt but he has lost so much, how could he not?

Does anyone have any suggestions on what has worked for their family to promote healing and attachment?

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