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I'm a 30-something wife and mom. My boys are my pride and joy. Together, we are navigating being a forever family post international adoption.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

A Letter to my Family

Dear Family,

This article describes a list of behaviour common in internationally adopted children who have lived in orphanages. Since Buddy displays behavior from each of these categories, it paints a pretty accurate picture of what he struggles with.

I am so proud to have Buddy as my son, but the behavior he sometimes displays is not healthy. We really need support from our families to reinforce what we are trying to teach at home so that Buddy can learn to self-regulate. It is very important to us that we are all on the same page.

I am not going to insist you to change how you interact with Buddy. It would actually be bad to have him feel the rules are changing because I said so. He needs to know that certain expectations of him exist even outside of his immediate family. If you read the article and see the long-term importance of Buddy having consistency in his life, hopefully you will make that decision for yourself.

Please don't blame any changes that need to be made on Hubby and I. We aren't the ones who neglected, traumatized, deprived and abused Buddy. It is our job, as his parents, to help him move forward.

I am sorry that we haven't been open with what we deal with, it would have been better if we had shared more with you so we could have avoided the situation we are in. We are struggling to balance the fact that Buddy's story isn't ours to tell with sharing enough to help the people that love him understand that he is not happy and healthy, no matter how he seems on the surface. He is actually a very broken little boy.

I love you and I hope you will have time to check the article out.

Mama Bear

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