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I'm a 30-something wife and mom. My boys are my pride and joy. Together, we are navigating being a forever family post international adoption.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Filling the Void with Stuff

There are many different behaviors that are typical in adopted children. Lying, lack of impulse control, hoarding, sleep issues, the list goes on and on. While most children wont display every behavior, they will typically struggle with some of them to varying degrees.

Buddy is no exception. 

One thing that we noticed from the start is Buddy loves to get new things. He becomes fixated a desired toy, book or video game until he can concentrate on little else. His day is hijacked by talking, thinking and dreaming about the thing, what he would do with it and how it would make his life so much better.

But it never does.

He will want something intensely, get it, and be tired of it by the next day. And then he will repeat the cycle with a new desired object. He has more toys, video games and books that sit gathering dust than I like to admit.

Buddy didn't used to have much of anything to his name. He wore clothes that had been passed down so many times they would probably embarrass the person who first donated them. His toys and school supplies were communal property. Any money he earned or found was spent immediately to prevent it from being stolen.

Buddy lacked important emotional "stuff" as well. He missed out on a lot of years of holding hands while crossing the street, having scrapes and bruises kissed better and being tucked into bed at night. He missed out on having someone invested in what was best for him like every little kid deserves. 

Buddy wants things, and for people to see the things he has, to make him feel good about himself. He wants them to fill a void inside himself he doesn't even realize is there.

Over the last year and a half we made a lot of progress in helping Buddy learn that things don't make us happy. Yet, I wonder, if it will take him embracing and moving through his hard past before the void he is trying to fill with stuff will actually feel full.


  1. This is so like my youngest boy. He also fixates on things and has to have the item no matter what. He also will not let go of his possessions and can't let old toys go to the charity shop or to other children. His bedroom is very full. Thanks for linking to #WASO

    1. Buddy has even tried to take over our storage closet. But I told him anything in there goes to charity, so that changed his mind pretty quickly!