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I'm a 30-something wife and mom. My boys are my pride and joy. Together, we are navigating being a forever family post international adoption.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Two Steps Forward...

A few weeks ago we had a significant breach of a clearly established internet safety rule. This was followed by a conversation about why we have rules (to keep us safe) and a consequence of no electronics for one week.

Buddy was unhappy and there was some quiet pouting, but generally it went over well. There was no dysregulation, self-harm or property destruction like in the past.

I was pleasantly surprised.

I should have known better.

Within about an hour Buddy went from quiet to sullen to withdrawn. He wouldn't verbally acknowledge me, although he would nod or shrug to a direct question. At the same time, he was doing little things that he knows push my buttons to get a reaction.

Buddy had soccer that same night, which I thought would be a good opportunity for us to get some space from each other. Besides, it was Hubby's turn to be "flag Dad" and I wasn't really looking forward to sitting by myself anyways.

Hubby packed Buddy up into the car to drive to the soccer pitch. Buddy was doing warm-up drills and then next thing Hubby knew he was gone. A few minutes later, Buddy came running up to Hubby, smiling, and cheerfully exclaimed, "I just puked!"


Hubby decided it wasn't a good night for soccer. Once they got home, Buddy seemed upbeat, but of course that can mean a lot more than it seems. At his request, I ran him a bath, and sat with him reading from Calvin and Hobbs, one of his favorites.

After the bath, Buddy put on his PJs and asked me to stay with him in his room. We laid side by side for 30 minutes quietly reading. By the time I was ready for bed myself, he was already asleep.

The next morning, I had an early meeting and didn't bother waking Buddy until I absolutely needed to. He was obviously still not feeling well, and was complaining of dizziness and generally feeling sick. I let him decide if he was up to going to school and after much deliberation and soliciting my advice, he decided to stay home.

After my meeting, I called home to check on him and offered to bring him something to eat. He said he was starting to get hungry, so I picked him up a breakfast sandwich and smoothie (and a coffee for me!) and headed home. After sleeping away the morning and having  a bite to eat, he wanted to go to school.

Buddy has come so far when it comes to processing emotions. But two steps forward, one step back. I am glad that Hubby and I are getting better at understanding the meaning behind the behavior and understanding Buddy's unique way for dealing with anger, unhappiness and stress.

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