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I'm a 30-something wife and mom. My boys are my pride and joy. Together, we are navigating being a forever family post international adoption.

Friday, September 16, 2016

The Golden Rule

The other night, Buddy got a message on Instagram from his friend asking why he had been saying mean things behind his back.

Last weekend, the two boys had been hanging out and Buddy came home annoyed. This is pretty typical. It seems like any time Buddy spends too much consecutive time with one person he ends up frustrated.

Buddy may be a teenager now, but in some ways he is still socially behind his peers. He wants things to go his way, and gets upset when others are not willing to let him take the lead and dictate activities all the time.

He vented his feelings to the mutual friend, who spilled the beans to another friend, and so on and so on until it got back to the first boy.

Add typical teenaged behaviour (gossiping, hormonal moodiness, loyalty testing) to typical post-orphanage behaviour (feelings of entitlement, controlling behaviour, mixed maturity), and you've got a recipe for problems. Especially when trying to make and keep friendships.

We continue to talk to Buddy a about how no one can control other people's actions, we can only control our own. After 3 years, he still hasn't come to accept the golden rule: treat other people the way you want to be treated.

So Buddy doesn't understand why what he did was wrong. He honestly believes that the fact that he was annoyed gives him the right to say mean things. He also doesn't understand why he's not allowed to use Instagram until he responds to his friend's message and apologize for hurting his feelings.

So he's simmering at the dinning room table, and I'm letting him. If he hasn't learned in 3 years, he certainly isn't going to learn tonight.

1 comment:

  1. So you're saying ten months is also not long enough to learn this?? Ha! We are with you!!